Posted in WRD 402

WRD 402: Post 38

settling

The website xkcd kindly summed up the majority of my fears in a single box. Furthermore, it subtly called me out on my stubborness and my obstinate belief that such situations are “not really all that bad” and “I’m probably overthinking it” and “it’ll get better if I just wait, I’m sure.” And that’s how I stuck myself with the UK Dining Plan for four years in a row, and regretted the last three of them.

I’ve mentioned several times that I’m afraid of my own, personal future. To my mind, anything short of success is failure—and my criteria for success are specific and difficult to attain. I’ve been struggling on multiple levels with just my career choice alone; thus, I decided to map out some of the decisions, and potential consequences, ahead of me:

Level 1 (The Choice):

  • go to law school, become lawyer, get money, afford hobbies, make Dad proud
  • go into game writing, get less money, work serves as my hobby, Dad is okay with it

Level 2 (The Ideal Situation):

  1. get accepted both into law school and into a job in game writing
  2. make a decision on which one I want to pursue (see Levels 3 and 4)

Level 3 (The Destroy-Self-with-Work-Until-Free-to-Play Scenario):

  1. get accepted into law school, but don’t get a job in game writing
  2. struggle to hold myself together for the next few years in the hopes of getting a good job as a lawyer
  3. struggle as a lawyer for a few decades in the hopes of getting to retire early
  4. buy a bunch of brand-new holographic virtual reality games and settle in to squeeze as much happiness out of my life as I can before I die

Level 4 (The Play-While-Working-But-Never-Achieve-Full-Play Scenario):

  1. don’t get accepted into law school, but get a job in game writing
  2. struggle for a few decades, happier than I would be as a lawyer but tighter on money
  3. possibly never be able to afford to retire
  4. never get to spend years alone in a box with wifi and food and no responsibilities (the ultimate ideal living situation)

Level 5 (The Effects of Fear):

  1. never turn in any applications to either law school or game writing
  2. live as a hopeless shell in a minimum-wage job until I die

Level 6 (The Effects of Fear, Pt. 2):

  1. get accepted into law school, but never send out applications for game writing
  2. live the rest of my life wondering what could have been, had I only had the courage to pursue my dreams instead of settling for the more secure, but more harrowing path

Level 7 (The Best-Case Scenario):

  1. strike it rich on the Powerball
  2. invest money into the next big thing
  3. set aside enough money to fund my dream of living in a box with wifi and food and no responsibilities
  4. keep enough money in savings to accrue interest to live on
  5. donate the rest to charity

Level 8 (The Even-Better-Case Scenario):

  1. discover secret to immortality
  2. move Earth into post-scarcity
  3. The Singularity occurs
  4. everything is great

Level 9 (The Worst-Case Scenario):

  1. get accepted into law school
  2. become a lawyer
  3. work for decades until I can afford retirement
  4. die the day before I’m supposed to retire

Level 10 (The Movie):

  1. (complete Level 9)
  2. be subject of based-on-a-true-story film that rends the hearts of millions
  3. win an Oscar posthumously

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